Autism x AI: The Comparison No One Wants to Admit Is Accurate
Or: Why Dating Made Me Think Something Was “Wrong” With Me—Until
I Realized the World Was Running on iOS and I’m Clearly Android (With Developer Mode On)
For most of my adult life, I thought I was terrible at relationships.
Not bad at love. Not bad at commitment.
Bad at communication.
Every relationship—romantic, professional, intimate, long-term, short-term—hit the same wall. Different faces. Same ending. Someone would eventually say some version of:
“You’re too literal.”
“You should have known.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Why are you doing it like that?”
“I shouldn’t have to explain this.”
And after hearing that enough times, you do what many women—especially Black women—are trained to do:
You assume the problem is you.
So I did the responsible thing.
I looked inward.
I asked myself the question that haunts high-functioning women everywhere:
Why does this keep happening?
At some point, self-reflection turns into self-investigation. And self-investigation eventually becomes:
Maybe I should get tested.
Not because I felt broken—but because the pattern was too consistent to ignore.
Spoiler alert:
There was nothing wrong with me.
I’m autistic.
And once I understood that, everything—everything—clicked.
Autistic Women of Color: The Invisible Architects
Let’s talk about the group nobody is studying enough:
Autistic women.
Autistic women of color.
We are often:
misdiagnosed
over-pathologized
under-supported
labeled “difficult” instead of different
We learn to mask early.
We learn to translate ourselves.
We learn to apologize for clarity.
And then—once we understand ourselves—we stop apologizing.
That is the moment people get uncomfortable.
The Autism Reveal: When the Software Update Explains the “Glitches”
Here’s the thing no one tells you about autism when you are intelligent, verbal, accomplished, funny, emotionally aware, and socially functional:
You do not look like what people expect autism to look like.
You look like:
“Intense”
“Direct”
“Too much”
“Cold” (when you are actually overwhelmed)
“Emotional” (when you are actually dysregulated)
“Difficult” (when you are actually precise)
Autism does not mean lack of empathy.
It often means too much empathy with no filter.
Autism does not mean lack of communication.
It means literal, rule-based, consistency-driven communication.
Which brings me to the metaphor that finally made my brain exhale:
Autism is an operating system.
Not a virus.
Not a defect.
Not a malfunction.
An operating system.
Autism vs. Neurotypical Communication: iOS vs. Android
Let’s break this down in plain language.
Neurotypical communication runs on:
implied rules
unspoken context
emotional subtext
shifting expectations
“You should just know” logic
Autistic communication runs on:
stated rules
consistency
explicit instructions
observable cause-and-effect
“Tell me when it changes” logic
Neither is superior.
But only one is constantly blamed for “not adapting.”
If you tell me, “This is okay,” my brain logs that as true.
Forever.
Not “true until vibes shift.”
Not “true unless you’re in a mood.”
Not “true but only on weekdays.”
True.
And when someone later says, “Why are you still doing that?” my brain genuinely responds:
Because… you told me to.
That is not defiance.
That is not manipulation.
That is not passive aggression.
That is system integrity.
Autistic brains do not auto-update social rules.
We require patch notes.
Why Relationships Felt Like Constant Failure
(Spoiler Alert: They Weren’t)
Once I understood this, my relationship history rewrote itself.
I wasn’t “missing signals.”
I was operating without access to silent updates.
Neurotypical people change rules without announcing them—and expect everyone else to keep up emotionally.
Autistic people assume:
Silence means consent
Repetition means consistency
No correction means approval
So when resentment appears out of nowhere, we are blindsided.
Not because we do not care.
But because no one told us the rule changed.
This is why autistic people are often accused of:
“Ignoring feelings”
“Being insensitive”
“Not taking accountability”
When in reality, we are thinking:
I would have adjusted immediately if you had told me.
Autism and AI: The Comparison No One Wants to Admit Is Accurate
Here is where it gets spicy.
Autism and artificial intelligence share core traits—not because autistic people are robotic, but because both rely on explicit input.
AI:
Learns from stated data
Does not infer unspoken rules
Requires clear parameters
Follows instructions exactly as given
Autistic people:
Learn from stated rules
Do not infer unspoken expectations
Require clarity
Follow instructions exactly as given
AI is praised for precision.
Autistic people are punished for it.
AI is trusted with systems.
Autistic people are told they are “too rigid.”
Interesting, right?
The Autism Spectrum (Because Yes, It Is a Spectrum)
Autism is not a straight line from “mild” to “severe.”
It is a multi-dimensional spectrum, including differences in:
sensory processing
communication style
social navigation
executive function
emotional regulation
According to the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) framework used by clinicians, support needs vary—not intelligence, not worth, not capacity.
Some autistic people:
speak fluently
mask constantly
excel professionally
struggle privately
Others:
require daily support
are non-speaking
communicate differently
are often ignored entirely
All are autistic.
All are valid.
And none of them are broken.
What the Research Actually Says
(Since We’re Being Intellectual About It)
The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) states:
“Autism is a natural variation of human neurology, not a disease to be cured.”
The CDC acknowledges autism as a neurodevelopmental difference—not a behavioral failure.
Harvard Health Publishing notes that autistic adults often go undiagnosed because they “compensate” socially—especially women and people of color.
And studies in journals like Autism Research and Nature Neuroscience increasingly highlight strengths associated with autism:
pattern recognition
honesty
deep focus
systems thinking
ethical consistency
These are not deficits.
These are leadership traits.
Final Note
Autism is not a flaw in the system.
It is a system.
And once you stop trying to run it on someone else’s operating instructions,
it works beautifully.
If you know, you know.
If you do not, we are happy to explain—explicitly.
Just tell us when the rules change.
A Friendly Warning
While the internet is busy panicking about AI “taking over the world,” you might want to keep an eye on something else.
There is a quiet, highly organized, neurodivergent coalition forming.
Mostly women.
Many of color.
All tired.
We are logical.
We are consistent.
We require transparency.
We hate inefficiency.
Some of us are autistic.
Some of us are ADHD.
Some of us are both.
And hypothetically—purely hypothetically—we may or may not be discussing:
fixing the government
streamlining healthcare
cleaning the water crisis
rewriting workplace norms
Possibly within the next two weeks.
You’re welcome.
###
Queen Sheba holds an MFA in Creative Writing
from Queens University of Charlotte,
is a three-time Atlanta 2026, 2025 & 2024 Grammy®-Nominated Artist
in the Spoken Word-Poetry & Performance category,
author, professor, 2025 TEDx speaker,
and the founder of Poetry vs. Hip-Hop®.
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